Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
