Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
