I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
