why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
