The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
