But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize