I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize