Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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