My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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