my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
