Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
