I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
