let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
