Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize