so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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