I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
