If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
