i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize