And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
