waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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