I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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