Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
