I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize