ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
