Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
