Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
