you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We have so much sex to catch up on
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
