By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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