it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
