Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
