One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
