its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
