So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
