I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
