If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
