That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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