the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
