Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
