i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would ride that face into the sunset
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
