he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
