Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
