remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
