Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
