I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
