the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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