and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
