I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
