she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
