i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
