I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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