i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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