Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
