Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
