Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
