I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
