I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
