Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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