I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
