last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
where are my eyebrows?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
