Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Someone signed my nipple.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
