Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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