just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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