I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
