Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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