our cab driver is having phone sex.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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