My room smells like vodka and shame
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
