i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
