My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
