We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
